Some Theories on the Death And Torture of Ashfur
by Redbane
Summary: A hilarious collection of theories on how Ashfur was killed or ways he was tortured. I will take suggestions!
1. Death By Cookie

_**Random, funny, and weird theories on how Ashfur died**_

_**Theory number one: Death by Cookie**_

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Ashfur was wandering around the Thunderclan camp, when he hears the apprentices talking,

"I hear Firestar keeps his cookies hidden in his den!" said one.

"I hear that he fought a Twoleg for them!" said the other.

Ashfur couldn't resist, he had to see if the rumors were true.

So he snuck into Firestar's den to see if he could fin the cookies.

"Hmmmm... that rock looks loose.." Ashfur thought.

Ashfur pressed on the rock and it silently slid down, revealing a huge stash of cookies.

"Jackpot!" he whispers, then begins to gorge himself. After he'd eaten enough, he put the rock back and padded out of the den.

"That was way too easy!" he laughed madly, he was having a sugar rush.

"What was so easy?" Firestar asked, he'd snuck up Ashfur, who was having a huge Sugar rush.

"Stealing from your cookie stash was easy! I love cookies! Did you steal those cookies? I want some more cookies!" Ashfur said, he was too hyper to know what he'd just said.

"Ashfur, Follow me." said Firestar.

"YAY! Are we gonna go on an adventure? Are we gonna get some cookies? Can I have some cookies? I want more cookies!" Ashfur blurted.

"Erm... sure." Firestar lied, leading Ashfur to a secluded part of the forest.

"Where are the cookies? I want my cookies! Are you gonna beat me up?" Ashfur's sugar rush was near its end.

"YOU STOLE MY COOKIE STASH!!!" Firestar yelled,"NOW DIE YOU COOKIE THIEF!!" Firestar reached for a branch and began to beat poor Ashfur senseless.

"I didn't know," Ashfur began.

"YEAH RIGHT!" Firestar yowled, and hit Ashfur in the head. Ashfur stopped moving.

" Oh Crap.... Who am I gonna blame this on??" said Firestar, "Oh well! I'll just throw him into the steam!" he said gleefully.

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If you have any suggestions, theories, ideas, or ways i can further torture Ashfur, just leave me a comment!

FYI: I already know who killed him so you don't need to tell me that.


	2. Death By Silly String

_**Theory number Two:**_

_**Silly String.**_

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Ashfur was wandering around near Twoleg place, when he sees something shiny.

"Ooohh!! Shiny!" Ashfur said as he walked up to the shiny thing.

To him, it was a shiny Twoleg thing, to us, it's Silly String.

Ashfur rolled the shiny thing on the ground, and it rolled away from him.

"Shiny thingy!!! come back!!!"Ashfur shouted, then he took off after it, stopping it from rolling onto the road.

"Phew, that was close." Ashfur said, resting a paw on the shiny thing. But when Ashfur put his full weight on that leg, something shot out of the shiny thing.

"AAHH!!! EVIL SHINY THING!" Ashfur shouted, turning around and running for his life, only to run out onto the road.

"AAH!!! EVIL MONSTERS!!!!" Ashfur yowled as a car barreled past him, so Ashfur ran back over to the shiny thing.

"Oooh...." he said, eyeballing the silly string that had came out of the can.

"Hmmm.. is it edible? Nah.. I won't try." Ashfur mumbles.

" I wonder..." Ashfur began, he put his face in front of the nozzle and put his paw on the trigger.

"Maybe if I just push down a little harder.." Ashfur thought as he pushed down on the nozzle sending silly string flying into his face.

"AAAAAHHH!!!! SHINY THING ANGRY!!! " Ashfur yowled, running onto the road without thinking, where he sat down and paws the stuff off of his face.

"Blech....." Ashfur spat out some silly string that had gotten into his mouth, as the road began to tremble.

"Uh-oh..." Ashfur tried to run, but his feet were stuck in the silly string, "Oh crap..." Ashfur said as the monster slammed into him, throwing him into the stream near the road.

"I hate shiny things." Ashfur mumbled when he arrived in Starclan.

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_**Well, not the best way to go.. but I have more ideas just wait and see!**_

_**Please review!**_

_**But I do take suggestions for new ways to torture Ashfur! **_


	3. A Bunny Rabbit!

_**Special Thanks to: wildstar12**__**, Gazingmoon, Princess of Othrys  
**_

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**Theory number Three: Death By Bunny  
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**Ashfur was out hunting for his Clan one day, when he sees a Little bunny rabbit.

"Mmmmm.... Rabbit." Ashfur thinks as he stalks the unsuspecting rabbit.

"Heh heh..." Ashfur chuckles to himself as he leaps anto the rabbits back, only to find out....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! RABID BUNNY RABBIT!!!!" Ashfur yowls as he runs back to camp, rabid bunny on his tail.

"WELL!!!!! DON'T LEAD IT TO OUR CAMP!!!!!!!" screams Leafpool.

"WHERE DO I GO THEN?!?!?!?" Ashfur wailed.

"I KNOW!" shouts Bumblekit, "RUN OUT OF THE CAMP YOU PIECE OF FOX DUNG!"

"OKAY! I WILL!" Ashfur shouts as he runs off, rabbit on his tail.

"Bumblekit! Who taught you that bad language!" Millie screeches.

"Ashfur taught it to me!" Bumblekit meows.

Meanwhile, Ashfur is running for his life along the Shadowclan boarder.

"RABID RABBIT! RABID RABBIT!" Ashfur screams to a Shadowclan patrol.

"GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" the patrol shouts back at Ashfur.

"WHERE CAN I GO!?!?!" Ashfur wails, confused.

"I KNOW! RUN ON THE THUNDERPATH AND THE MONSTERS WILL EAT THE MEAN BUNNY!" shouts one Shadowclan cat.

"OH! GOOD IDEA!" Ashfur meowed, unaware that the rabbit was dead by now.

"HEY MONSTERS! COME AND EAT THE NICE YUMMY BUNNY!" Ashfur shouted, foam flying from his mouth, standing in the middle of the road.

"WAIT.....Where's the bunny go?" Ashfur said.

"Wait... if the monster is hungry, and I don't have the rabbit to feed it, is it gonna eat me?" Ashfur sat down to think the problem through.

"Hmm..." Ashfur began as a car came thundering towards him. Poor, rabid Ashfur just watched it.

"If it's not hungry, I'm safe! YAY!!! I'm safe!!" Ashfur sang.

"I'm safe I'm safe! I'm not gonna die!"Ashfur kept on singing.

"I'm not gonna die! I'm not gonna die!"He sang, just as the monster slammed into Ashfur,sending him flying.

Just before Ashfur arrived in Starclan he sang(remember, he's got rabies) ,

"I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!"

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_**Please reveiw and comment!**_

_**Give me more ideas!**_


	4. Scared half to death, beat the rest

_**Special thanks to: wildstar12, Princess of Othrys,**__** Gazingmoon, flare the cat,  
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_**Theory number Four: Scared half to death, then beat to death the rest of the way  
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**_Ashfur got bored one day and decided to look inside a Twoleg nest.

What he saw scared him half to death.

He saw.... a birthday clown.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!MMMMMMOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYY!!!!!!!!" Ashfur screamed, running back to the camp, only to stop when he met his one weakness,

Chocolate pudding.

"Ooooohhh......" Ashfur forgot the clown completely, and began to eat the delicious pudding.

"Mmm,yummmm." Ashfur sighed when he finished.

Ashfur fell asleep right then and there.

**_Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!_**

Ashfur awoke with a start,

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! SCARY THING!" Ashfur squealed.

Ashfur tried to run, but the pudding he'd eaten slowed him down.

_"Shoo!Scram!! Bad cat!" _shouted an angry male twoleg.

"AAAH!!!" Ashfur shouted back.

_"Bad kitty!"_ the twoleg suddenly began to beat on Ashfur with a broom, then, the twoleg hit him like a golf ball, sending him flying through the air.

"WEE! I BELEIVE I CAN FLY!" Ashfur began to sing, only to ram head first into a tree.

"OH! YOU KNOW YOU CANT FLY!" Yellowfang sang to him when he arrived in Starclan.

"Just shut up." mumbled Ashfur, now in a feline body cast.

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Keep the ideas coming!

I need more ways to torture Ashfur!!

Review and comment!


	5. Death By Math book

_**Special thanks to: wildstar12, princess of Othrys, **__**Gazingmoon,**_

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_**FYI: FOR THOSE WHO HAVE WAY TOO MUCH HOMEWORK  
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**_Theory number Five: Death by Math book_**

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"LA LA LA LA LA LAAAA!" Ashfur sang.

"ASHFUR STOP SCREAMING! YOUR GONNA WAKE UP THE ELDERS!" screeches Sandstorm.

"Too late, he woke Purdy up." grumbles Mousefur.

"Ashfur? can you fetch some catmint from near Horseplace?" Leafpool asks sweetly.

"Sure." Ashfur purred as he left.

"Leafpool, you're brilliant." says Firestar simply.

***

Ashfur found the catmint in no time.

"Wow! There's enough here for all the clans!" Ashfur exclaimed.

Ashfur was too busy gathering the catmint to notice the twoleg behind him.

"Leafpool's gonna be really pleased when I get," Ashfur turned around and stopped dead,"home..."

The twoleg stared at him, he stared at it.

Then the twoleg sat down and pulled out a square box. It opened the box, and there were white leaves in it.

"Oooh, what's that?!?!" Ashfur asked the twoleg, then he remembered that twolegs didn't understand what they said.

When the twoleg said noting, Ashfur went and looked at it him self.

_"AHH! Bad! Smelly! Wild cat!!" _it shrieked at Ashfur. Then it beat him with the box over and over and over.

Ashfur was a goner.

"AW CRAP NOT THE FACE!" Ashfur yowled just before the twoleg hit his face with the box.

Once in Starclan all Ashfur had to say was,

" Cinderpelt, if you tell Leafpool what happened you know I'm gonna hate you right?"

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Please keep the ideas flowing!

Review and comment! please!


	6. Rocket science

_**Special thanks to: wildstar12, Princess of Othrys, Gazingmoon**_**_, flare the cat, _**

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Note: This one is short because there are some really good ones comin!

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**_Theory number six: Rocket science_**

**_

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_**Ashfur was walking around Horseplace when he sees a big red thing on a stick in the ground.

"OOH! Sparkly!" Ashfur croons as he stares at it.

_"AAAAAHHHG! STRAY!" _shouts a nearby Twoleg, holding a silver thing in its paws. The twoleg scooped Ashfur up and put him on the red thing.

"YAY!! PONY RIDE!" Ashfur purrs as it takes off into the air.

"Wait.... this not a pony..."Ashfur thought as he looked down, "Oh no..."

_**BOOOOM!**_

***

Meanwhile, the kittypets watch Ashfur's dilemma.

"And that my friends, is why we stay in our fences." says one, A large burly tom.

"Will the crazy cat be ok?" asks a small kit.

"No little one, he go bye bye." says the kits mother.

"Oh, Bye bye!" says the kit.

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I Know this is short, but there are REALLY funny ones comin' up!

Keep the ideas coming!!


	7. The Teletubby

_**Special thanks to: wildstar12, princess of Othrys, gazingmoon, flare the cat  
**_

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_**Theory number seven: Death By Teletubby**_

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Ashfur was sitting on a rock, staring at a Twoleg nest. He was bored.

"Whatcha doin'?" asks a voice, a tan and white tabby kittypet had snuck up on Ashfur.

" Nothing. What do you do for fun?" Ashfur inquired.

"Well..... I'll show you." the kittypet responded, an evil grin spread across the tabby's face.

"Well, are you going to show me!?!" Ashfur geowled.

"Alright alright! Sheesh!" the kittypet huffs, leading him towards the twoleg nest.

"Wait.... I have to go in there??" Ashfur stammered.

"Do you want to be bored the whole day?!" the kittypet retorted hotly.

"Fine..... I'll go inside..." Ashfur mewed uncertainly.

When Ashfur walked into the twoleg nest, he saw a huge box.

"What's that?" Ashfur asks.

" A T.V." answers the kittypet.

"What's it do?" Ashfur inquired.

"You'll see..." the kittypet huffs.

The kittypet stands on their hind paws, closes their eyes, and turns on the T.V., displaying a hideous, yellow....

"AAAHHH!!! TELETUBBY!!! IT BURNS MY EYES!! AAHHHG!! IT'S SO BAD!! IT'S MELTING ME WITH IT'S AWFULNESS!!!" Ashfur squeals, melting into a grayish blob.

"That's odd, that usually happens only with Elmo." the kittypet meows, suprised.

"Oh well!" the kittypet purrs and leaves the mushy remains of Ashfur behind.

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_**I love your comments and reveiws! I am amazed at how many people love my Ashfur stories!**_

_**Anyway.... please review and comment.  
**_


	8. Elder

_**SPECIAL THANKS TO: WILDSTAR12, FLARE THE CAT, PRINCESS OF OTHRYS, GAZINMOON, MISTFEATHER, CATEERATELOL, WILDSTORM (), SUPERLEIGH50,**_

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****THEORY EIGHT: Elders  


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**_NOTE: If I made some mistakes, Please don't nail me about it. Also, I'm gonna loosen up a bit and see what people think.  
_**

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Ashfur was wandering around the camp. He was bored.

"Hey Berrypaw?" Ashfur trotted over to the apprentice.

"What is it Assf-,erm, Ashfur?" Berrypaw asked.

"What did you almost call me!" Ashfur growled.

"Don't yell at me! Longtail said it first!" Berrypaw stuttered.

"Oh! That's fine then, Longtail's an elder, he can tease me if he wants." Ashfur purrs.

"Anyway.....what do you do for fun?" Ashfur inquired.

"Well....." Berrypaw said, deep in thought.

"If you don't want others to hear it you can whisper." Ashfur grumbles.

"Oh! Ok then!" Berrypaw's ears perked up.

"Well?" asks Ashfur.

"Ok... we make fun of Elders." Berrypaw whispers into Ashfur's ear.

"Really! That's what I used to do as an apprentice!" Ashfur purrs.

"Really?" Berrypaw gasped.

"Longtail was an elder then too." Ashfur added with a chuckle," He's so old!"

"You must be pretty old to!" Berrypaw chuckled.

"Mousefur is even older than Longtail!!" Chuckled Ashfur.

"Uh...Ashfur....." Berrypaw mews nervously. Ashfur ignored him.

"Longtail became an elder so he didn't have to hunt! The lazy bum!"Ashfur chuckles, "I don't think he could hurt a fly now!"

"Ashfur....." Berrypaw's eyes were wide with horror.

"What?" Ashfur says.

"The elders are right behind you...." Berrypaw warns.

"I know you're teasing!Even if they were, I doubt they could hear me!" Ashfur huffed.

"Wanna bet young'n?" asks a voice from behind Ashfur, it was Mousefur.

"You weren't teasing me were you Berrypaw..." Ashfur says without even turning around.

"No I was not."The apprentice meows.

"Aw crap." meows Ashfur bluntly.

"Ashfur,'Aw crap' don't even cover it," Longtail began,"not compared to what you have comin'!"

"Aw double crap." Ashfur mews in an: 'I'm dead meat' tone of voice, as Berrypaw backed away, out of sight.

"Not even close." growls Mousefur as Longtail crouches to spring.

"Well are you gonna talk me to death or are you gonna..."Ashfur was cut off as Longtail landed on his back, knocking the wind out of him.

"Ouch....."moans Ashfur.


	9. Death By Cookie Two

_**Special thanks to:MISTFEATHER, CATEERATELOL,WILDSTORM (),SUPERLEIGH50,PINKPANDA1234,BLAZE-FIRE-KITTY**__**

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**_**_Death by cookie 2_**  


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NOTE: I KNOW I KNOW..... ASHFUR DIED BEFORE PURDY JOINED THE CLAN..... REMEMBER, THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY.  
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Ashfur was wandering around the clearing, everything was normal, well..... as normal as possible, Purdy kept saying Starclan was a lie.

"Crazy dung heap, filling kit's heads with nonsense about Starclan being a lie," Muttered Ashfur under his breath.

"Hey Ashfur?" asked one of the kits," What's a cookie?"

"Whats a what?" Ashfur had no idea what the kit was talking about.

"Cookies, Purdy told us about them, he says he's gonna find some." said the kit.

"Well, I'm going to follow him and make sure that a monster doesn't eat him." Replied Ashfur.

"Oh, Ok." the kit mewed simply as it stalked off.

Ashfur found Purdy near horseplace, carrying a strange thing in his jaws.

"What'cha got there Purdy?" Ashfur asked. Purdy spun around.

"Well, I'ma gonna give you young'ns some cookies!" Purdy purred.

"Sooo, these," Ashfur indicated the thing in Purdy's jaws," are, cookies?"

"Yerp." said Purdy, "An' let me tell yous a secret," Purdy set down the cookies,"once you have one cookie, ya want more."

"OOOKK........." Ashfur took a step back.

*********

In the clearing, all was a muck, the kits had a sugar rush, as did the warriors. Cats were bouncing off walls, running in circles, and drooling.

"SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR I LIKE SUGAR! DO YOU LIKE SUGAR? I LOVE SUGAR! SUGAR IS THE BEST!" Rambled Ashfur, who had had only two cookies.

"Woah...." said Firestar as he stepped out of his den, only to shoot back in when a kit flew up at him.

"ARE THERE ANY COOKIES LEFT PURDY? I LIKE COOKIES! I ALSO LOVE SQUIRRELFLIGHT, SHE'S HOT!" Ashfur chattered to Purdy, who handed him the last cookie.

"HE HAS THE LAST COOKIE!!!!!!! GET HIM!!!!!" shouted Mousefur above the din.

"CHARGE!!!!" shouted the kits.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!" Ashfur screeched, then he began to wolf down his cookie, only to find... he couldn't swallow.

"What the heck is wrong wit you Ashfur?" grunted Purdy, who watched Ashfur gag without much noise.

"Oooohhh! You're Choking! I'll go get Leafpool." Purdy mewed casually five minutes later.

"Uhhh, Purdy?" Said Leafpool.

"Wha?" Purdy inquired.

"He's dead." Leafpool meowed bluntly.

"Oh.... Hmmm.... Oh wait!!! Theres still a cookie left!" Purdy shouted, and with that everyone forgot about Ashfur, and chased after daisy, who had the cookie held tightly in her jaws.

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Whew, this is hard work, juggling school, homework, chores, story writing, and I'm running out of ideas!!!!!!

I really need suggestions on torture methods and stuff like that, sooo, please comment and reveiw.


	10. Birdy

Special thanks to everyone who reads my stories and gives me ideas, Whitepetal and Mistfeather in particular. And to some of my friends on iscribble, who know me as Hawkfur.

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**_Ashfur and the birdy_**

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One sunny day, Ashfur was wandering around the camp, bored out of his pathetic little tomcat brain.

"Leafpool. I'm bored!" Ashfur whines to the medicine cat.

"Ashfur! You're soo annoying!" Leafpool retorted, slapping him in the face.

"Ah! Hmp! You're mean!" Ashfur huffed,offended.

"Ashfur just leave us ALONE."growled Jayfeather.

"Aw shut your mouth you blind nuisance!" Ashfur snaps at Jayfeather.

"Oh well, I'm blind, and you're a retard! So I guess we're even!" Jayfeather snaps back.

"WAAAAHHH! Nobody likes me!!! WAHHHH!!" Ashfur wails, running in circles in the center of the camp.

"Well Assfur....." Longtail began, "that birdy seems to like you." Longtail points to the sky, where a hawk is circling.

"Really!?! Come here birdy birdy!" Ashfur calls, he didn't even notice that Longtail had called him a mean name.

"Heh heh... poor numskull..."chuckles Mousefur watching Ashfur run.

"Heh heh heh.... This is gonna be good!" Lontail purrs, nodding his agreement.

"Longtail.....you're a genius." Squirrelflight purrs, glad to be rid of her ex boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Ashfur is talking to the bird.

"Yesss, yous a goood birdy wirdy! Yess! Whoos a good bird? Whoos a goood bird? You are! Yess you are!" Ahsfur cooed.

"What an idiot!" Leafpool purrs.

Ahsfur called the bird closer and closer.

"Ok bird.. that's close enough." he huffs.

_"Ah, at last! An easy meal!"_ the hawk cried in the language of the birds.

"Birdy..... what are you...." Ashfur began, only to be scooped up by the hawk.

"Aww! A carnival ride! yay!!!!!!" Ashfur cried.

"Oh... hey... Wait a minute! AAAAAAAAAHHH!! put me down!" Ashfur hisses as he frantically clawed the bird.

Just then, a plane came by, and the Hawk was sucked into the engine, and Ashfur was left falling through the air.

"WOO HOOO! I BELIEVE I CAN FL....." Ashfur began when the hawk let go of him, but his '_wonderful_' singing was cut off as he landed in the middle of a thunderpath, where he hit his head on the hard stone and was run over by a monster and killed.

*******

In starclan.....

"Hey Smallear! you owe me five mice!! Ashfur's dead!"Oneeye Yowled in delight.

"Aw crap." Smallear hissed."A deal's a deal I guess....." Sighed Smallear, who gave Oneeye the five mice he owed her.

Ashfur watched unhappily.

"You were betting on how I would die!?!?" He wailed.

"Yep." they meowed in unison.

"I hate you." Ashfur growled.

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Please review and comment


	11. Elmo

_**Special thanks to: wildstar12, princess of Othrys, gazingmoon, flare the cat  
**_

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_**Theory number 11: Death By elmo**_

_**(i know...i copied most of the teletubby one...)  
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Ashfur was sitting on a rock, staring at a Twoleg nest. He was bored.

"Whatcha doin'?" asks a voice, a tan and white tabby kittypet had snuck up on Ashfur.

" Nothing. What do you do for fun?" Ashfur inquired.

"Well..... I'll show you." the kittypet responded, an evil grin spread across the tabby's face.

"Well, are you going to show me!?!" Ashfur geowled.

"Alright alright! Sheesh!" the kittypet huffs, leading him towards the twoleg nest.

"Wait.... I have to go in there??" Ashfur stammered.

"Do you want to be bored the whole day?!" the kittypet retorted hotly.

"Fine..... I'll go inside..." Ashfur mewed uncertainly.

When Ashfur walked into the twoleg nest, he saw a huge box.

"What's that?" Ashfur asks.

" A T.V." answers the kittypet.

"What's it do?" Ashfur inquired.

"You'll see..." the kittypet huffs.

The kittypet stands on their hind paws, closes their eyes, and turns on the T.V., displaying a hideous, red...

"AAAHHH!!! ELMOOOOOOO!!! HE BURNS MY EYES!! AAHHHG!! IT'S SO BAD!! IT'S MELTING ME WITH IT'S AWFULNESS!!!" Ashfur squeals, melting into a gushy, blue-ish blob

"That's odd, that usually happens only with Barney." the kittypet meows, suprised.

"Oh well!" the kittypet purrs and leaves the mushy remains of Ashfur behind.

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_**I love your comments and reveiws! I am amazed at how many people love my Ashfur stories!**_

_**Anyway.... please review and comment.  
**_


	12. Leopardstar's Bazooka

FINALLY!!!! I finally had an Idea for this story! I thought I was going to have to ditch it! Phew... Well, any way, I hope you guys like it!

Oh! And I've changed how I'm writing this story a bit, I'm doing whatever pops into my head, and whatever the fans suggest.

I still need lots of help on this one though.

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**Death by... what else? Leopardstar's Bazooka!**

_(Yes... she owns a Bazooka.)_

Ashfur was skipping along the edge of a stream, When suddenly,angry Riverclan showed up and started yelling at him.

"GO AWAY!" Leopard star shouted.

"AAAAAAHHHGGG!!THE UGLY!! IT BURNS MY EYES!!!" Shouted Willowshine.

"EWWWW!!! THAT'S ONE UGLY SHE CAT!!"Shouted another cat.

Ashfur looked at them and sat down. He started to cry like a kit as Purdy and Jayfeather walked by .

"WAAAAA!!! Jayfeather! They called me a bunch of bad names!" He wailed.

"Jayfeather," Willowshine sighed.

"On it." Jayfeather said, walking up to Ashfur.

"Can I beat him up??? Pleeeasse????" Purdy begged.

"No. Now Ashfur, look over at me please." He said.

"Why are you holding that stick like you're going to hit me in the head?" Ashfur whined to Jayfeather.

"Because he is." said Purdy.

"Now hold still." Jayfeather said, honing in on where Ashfur's voice was coming from.

"Okay." Ashfur said, standing still.

"Okay, I just need you to say this first, before I kill- I mean, hit you." Jayfeather meowed.

"Okay." Ashfur said stupidly.

"I need you to say,'I am an idiot who likes to make out with my tail.' for me." Jayfeather said.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW!" Ashfur shrieked.

"Eww." Jayfeather said, and then he hit Ashfur in the head. _**WHAM!**_

"He makes out with his tail?" Leopardstar asked as Jayfeather beat Ashfur with the stick. "That's not natural."

"That's why we have to kill him." Jayfeather said with a smile. "Care to join? Firestar said it was fine by him."

"Sure!" Leopardstar purred, pulling out a bazooka.

"Where'd you get that?" Purdy asked.

"Sol gave it to me." She said. "Now... CLEAR THE AREA!!!!" She yowled. The other cats ran. Ashfur looked down the barrel.

"OOOHHH!!!" Ashfur said. "Is that a toy in th-" _**BOOM!**_

_**"Ooohhh.... Ahhhh..."**_ All the cats said as they watched a mushroom cloud form where Ashfur was standing.

"YAY!!! You killed it!!! YAY!!!" Purdy yowled as Leopardstar put her Bazooka away.

"Let's heave him inside the fence." Jayfeather said.

"Good idea." Leopardstar said, but as she moved to carry away what was left of him, a hawk came down and picked Ashfur, or what was left of him, and flew off.

"Or let the birds eat it." Purdy said.

"Let's all go home now." Jayfeather said.

"Okay. Bye!" Leopardstar said as her and her warriors ran back into their territory.

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**Well, I know I'm a bit late on updating this story, but what did you guys think about it?**

**I still need more ideas.**

**_Spottedflames_**

_=^.^=_

_(like my little Logo thing?)  
_


	13. YELLOWFANG!

Theory number... crap... I forgot XD

Yellofang!

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_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_

_**This bit contains material that may highly disgust some of my readers... Side effects of reading may include:**_

_**Wanting to Kill Ashfur,vomiting, Urge to write a firestarXLeopardstar fanfic, dying of laughter, revulsion, severe hatred of Ass-erm... Ashfur, and possibly nightmares**_

_**READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**_

_**(LOL)  
**_

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One fine day, Ashfur decided to be incredibly retarded.

"I'm going to go be a retard for a day Firestar!' Ashfur said in delight.

"That's nice..." firestar said, pulling out his cell phone, "Leopardstar, do you happen to have any spare Bazookas?"

"As a matter of fact, I do" Leopardstar said. "Let me guess... Ashfur's going to be a retard for a day, Right?"

"OMSC! how'd you know?"

"Cough Cough I'vebennstalkingyouCough cough" Leopardstar said.

"Wanna go make out?" Firestar asked Leopard star randomly.

"OH YES!" leopardstar shouted.

And tehy ran off and leopardstar wound up pregnant.

MEANWHILE, BACK WITH ASHFUR:

"I don't think we'd notice." Yellowfang, who'd randomly appeared, said.

"Who the hell are you?" Ashfur said to the foul tempered Yellowfang.

"I'm yo Momma!" Yellowfang shouted at ashfur.

"MOMMA!" Ashfur shouted.

"Oh Starclan, please tell me he's no going to hum- OH MY STARCLAN HE'S HUMPING MY LEG!" Yellowfang yowled, then sliced his head off with her claws.

* * *

**This is what I call Writing-vomit,**

**it's highly amusing to write, yet highly disturbing and amusing to read.**

**Try writing a bit of it in your review, I'll probably add it to the story later on.  
**


	14. Purdy

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **_

_**This bit contains material that may highly disgust some of my readers... Side effects of reading may include:**_

_**Wanting to Kill Ashfur,vomiting, crying, dying of laughter, revulsion, severe hatred of Ass-erm... Ashfur, and possibly nightmares**_

_**SO, READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK!**_

_**(LOL)

* * *

**_Ashfur was bored one day, and his puny little brain could not think of anything to do.

"Firestaaarrrrr! I'm hungry!" He wailed to their leader, who was busy making out with sandstorm.

"Go hunting then!" Firestar yowled.

"Firestaaaarrrr! I'm lazy!" Ahsfur wailed again.

"let me handle this Firestar..." sandstorm said.

"Fine..."firstar said, putting away his potato shooter.

"Ahsfur,"sandstorm said. "you need to get laid or get out!"

Ashfur stood there... a sick grin on his face.

"Not me!" Sandstorm yelled.

"Awwww..." Ash sighed, the grin dissapeared, only to reappear.

"Not me either, pervert" firestar spat.

"Try Ferncloud, she's the local whore." Sandstorm said.

"I think she's my MOM!"AShfur wailed.

"good then she'll say yes."Sandstorm said, then ran back to firestar, and they resumed their making out.

"MOM! wanna make out?"Ashfur said.

"Mommy's busy!" ferncloud wailed, as the scent of another cat hit Ashfur's nose.

"OMSC! You're mating with Sol! I'm, telling Fire-" Ashfur was cut off as Purdy walked up and sat on him.

"Get off me! you perverted old fart!" Ashfur wailed.

"I did not... okay I farted... " Purdy admitted sheepishly, as Ashfur proceeded to choke to death under Purdy's rotund behind.

" Huh, Purdy is useful." Mousefur pointed out.

* * *

**This is even more Writing-vomit,**

**highly amusing to write, highly disturbing and amusing to read.**

** Try writing a bit of it in your review, I'll probably add it to the story later on.  
**


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